control...

every time i try to be in control of some sort of situation i get stressed out and frustrated when anything that deviates from the original plan comes my way. the thing is that when its not on my shoulders im quite layed back and confident that everything will work out ok. i think sometimes its just the implications that i could actually be in charge, even when other times i pretty much am but without the formality, i am fine with. i think something just gets to my head that says, oh crap, if i screw this up... well i screwed it up and theres probably nothing i can do to fix it if i do. eek. i dont like stress much. a also dont like thinking that its all up to me even when i know its not. im probably to independant for my own good. in most cases, im ok with being part of something, just not feeling that im on the very top of the pillar that might just come crashing down with nothing there to catch me while i barrol face first into the ground. does anyone know of an opening for first mate?